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Health & Fitness

Pet Peeves: Olympics Edition

There are just a few things about the Olympics that make me want to throw a javelin at my TV screen.

Sometimes I just have to go off-topic to rant about something I find to be particularly annoying.  And with the London Olympics approaching, I’m finding a lot to be peeved about:

>NBC’s endless promotion. Sorry to rant about our new corporate neighbor here in Stamford, but by the time the games actually begin, I’ll already be sick of hearing about them.  NBC has been promoting them for roughly two years by telling us "426 days until the London Olympics."  "279 Days Until the London Olympics," etc., and, more recently, by having the Olympics mentioned on every news and sports show.  And don’t get me started on the near-constant "banner" ads at the bottom of the TV screen. Most of NBC’s programming is bad enough (American Ninja Warrior, really?) without having the picture obliterated by a reminder that the Olympics are coming. Of course, NBC has a lot riding on the Games. It’s their big chance to promote their fall prime time line-up. so you just know we’ll be seeing NBC personalities popping up all over the place. ("Oh, look, there’s Matthew Perry, star of the new NBC series Go On, handing Michael Phelps a towel!").  There will be so much cross-promotion going on, I’ll be surprised if the gymnastics judges aren’t seated on huge spinning chairs..

>Olympics commercials. I’m not talking about commercials for the Olympics, I’m talking about ads for everything else that make some lame analogy to an Olympic sport.  ("When I run in the Olympics, I want to take the Gold.  But when I want to stop running, I take Imodium. Imodium, the official anti-diarrhea medicine of the Summer Olympics.")

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>The controversy about the U.S. team’s uniforms. Yes, it was incredibly stupid to have them manufactured in China. But frankly, I find it more offensive that the opening night "dress uniforms" have a huge Ralph Lauren Polo logo on the front. Not to mention that they make the athletes look like they’re cadets at some incredibly preppy military academy. As to their country of manufacture...has anyone ever looked into where many American flags are made?

>The U.S. Basketball Team. Yes, I get it. Other countries use professionals so why shouldn’t we? Simple reason: it’s not in the spirit of the games. Of course, with the rampant commercialism involved, the entire games are no longer in the spirit of the games, but having billionaires slam dunk in the face of some poor guy from Lithuania is just too blatant. And by the way, why is basketball a summer sport?

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>Non-sport sports. I’ll probably get into trouble for saying this, but there are just too many non-sport sports in the Winter and Summer Olympics. I think the International Olympic Committee should adopt Hallen’s Rules for any future consideration of additional events:

It’s not a sport if...

  1. There are costumes instead of uniforms. (And especially if the costumes have sequins.)
  2. There is a choreographer involved.
  3. Music is an integral part of the event.
  4. The suffix "-capade" can be appended to the name of the event.
  5. The participants are routinely given flowers.
  6. "Turning pro" means dressing as a Disney character.
  7. There is no way for a regular person to know how well a participant is doing, beyond being fairly certain that a face plant is not a good thing.
  8. There’s a very fine line between the "sport" and "Dancing With the Stars."
  9. The difference between winning and losing can come down to how you "stick the landing."
  10. Results are determined solely by judges.  If the winner is not determined by who went faster, farther, higher, heavier or longer, or who was left standing, it’s not a sport.  Yes, I know, boxing matches are often decided by judges, but only as a second resort.

 

Sorry all you figure skaters, ice dancers, divers, gymnasts and synchronized swimmers, that’s the way it is.  I’m not saying what you do is not athletic, I’m just saying it’s not a sport.

But then, this is not the official blog of the US Olympic Team.

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