Stamford Community Comes Together To Grieve Loss Of Middle-Schooler

On Friday, June 21, Stamford suffered an incredible loss when Rashad Gross, a 12-year-old Turn of River Middle Schooler, died after being caught in a strong current in the channel that runs between Holly Pond and Long Island Sound.

The date of the tragedy coincided with the first day of summer and the release of students from school for the year. Gross and several other friends had traveled to the channel to celebrate.

Now, as the community begins to deal with the suffering of this loss, the schools that could typically serve as a central gathering point for students working through issues during the school year must find a way to extend their reach into the homes of grieving kids no longer contained within their walls everyday.

"Unfortunately, this is not the first time something like this has happened in the summer time. We've had kids lost to car accidents, things of that nature, and we have to look at it a couple of different ways," said Joe O'Callaghan, Stamford Public Schools Student Support Services Department Head for Social Work.

"We have to find ways to be there, and be supportive," he said. "That's what we do."

On Wednesday morning, the school has invited students and their families working through the loss to join them at KT Murphy Elementary School, from where Gross had just graduated prior to attending Turn of River. Families who attend will be joined by social workers, guidance counselors and community agencies like DOMUS and the Child Guidance Center, all offering support for the children who will need it moving forward.

"We're opening up KT Murphy Wednesday morning. The young man was very much involved there at the school and in the community there," O'Callaghan said. "[Those in the community will] be able to talk about their feelings about death, to just be together, to come together to support each other. Something like that is typically our first response to these types of events and, during the school year, it's easier to arrange because the students are all there anyway. It's a little easier than after school ends."

The summer presents the challenge both of reaching the community to let them know help is available through district resources and keeping tabs on special cases that would otherwise be easier to track with students in school. O'Callaghan said kids with unstable support systems, student's in Gross' grade-level or those who were close to the victim become a priority even when school is not in session during periods of loss and grief.

"The kids we're kind of worried about in terms of their ability to handle something like this, we reach out to make sure we have things in place to support them through the summer," he said. "Throughout the school year, we get to know our kids very well. We know the special circumstances that would make them vulnerable or open to grief. We'll generally know all those circumstances and we'll know to make sure to check in on those kids and find out what's going on in their lives."

O'Callaghan said people in the community and members of the PTO have reached out ro offer support and find out what they can do to help and Wednesday will give community members the opportunity to connect with the resources around them. Some school staff members will also be attending the wake and funeral services, not to actively seek to provide on-site counselling, but to be available if the need arises, including providing an additional system for special cases in which attendance is accompanied by a lack of proper familial support.

"It's so much more manageable when students are in school and in our lives every day," he said. "When they aren't, during the summertime, that part makes it difficult to manage to grief process. It is not a simple or short answer. We need to provide immediate services now for an immediate crisis and, as that need wanes and the summer goes on, particularly for students we're still concerned about, we'll make sure they have those connections they need. If we need to bring back members of the staff over the summer, we'll do that. In September, we'll make sure we have a good understanding for how things went for students over the summer and meet their needs in the fall. It's an ongoing process of crisis response and managing support services long-term, of bringing the community back together."

For families seeking more information on services immediately available, they can call the principal of their student's school or call the Stamford Public School District at (203) 977-4105. Guidance and information is available at stamfordpublicschools.org on how to talk to children about death. On Wednesday, families are encouraged to bring students to KT Murphy beginning at 9:30 a.m. for a community gathering.