November is National Family Caregiver Month: Alzheimer’s Association Connecticut Chapter Spotlight: Eugene Conrad

When Eugene Conrad’s wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, he decided to find out as much as he possibly could about the disease, and what he could expect to face caring for his wife in the years ahead. A resident of Stamford, he called the 24/7 helpline of the Connecticut Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association (800-272-3900) and learned that there were support groups where he would meet others like himself.

            He soon realized that it was harder for men to know what to do, more difficult for men to speak up and share feelings.  With women in the more traditional role as caregivers he saw a need in the community for a forum that focused on the unique needs of male caregivers.  Women have best friends to talk to; many men consider it a weakness to admit they have problems.  It's a well-known fact that most caregivers are women: Of the 43.5 million adults who care for an older family member or friend, nearly two out of three are female, according to a 2010 report published by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC). 

            Faced with his own situation, Gene Conrad decided he would get some support group leader training from the Alzheimer’s Association CT Chapter and form a men’s support group, where men would feel comfortable opening up to other men, where sensitive subjects like resentment, frustration, and yes, sex, could be discussed. “We call it ‘enforced celibacy’ and it’s something only a men’s group can handle,” Gene says.

            His first group in Stamford in 2010 started with three men. There are now two different groups of seven men each that meet twice monthly. “It makes a tremendous difference,” Gene says. “We talk, we share, we even cry.  My job is to listen and encourage. The relief that results is therapeutic and energizing.  It puts a man back in control, instead of being overwhelmed by new responsibilities and the inevitable changes they must learn to accept in their wives as their Alzheimer’s disease progresses. “    

            There are men in these groups from their 60’s to their 90’s. The 60-year old cares for his wife how has early onset Alzheimer’s disease.  Gene meets with the men before they join, to find out about their issues.

“I have to sense that they really want to do this, that they won’t drop out after one or two sessions, though sometimes that does happen.”

            Gene Conrad is writing a book about his experiences. “This is a growing trend all over the country. Originally, there were only three all-men’s support groups, my two in Stamford and one in Phoenix. Now, just a few years later, there are thirty-three Alzheimer’s Association sponsored all-male caregiver support groups in the United States.

            “When someone in the group is faced with a really difficult episode, the whole group concentrates on his dilemma. Each man in the group is encouraged to describe what’s happening, with all the details, before any comments or suggestions are made by the others. It’s not necessarily the advice that’s most important; it’s the idea that you’re being listened to, by men who are in the same boat.”

            Gene says he will always be grateful to the CT Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association for the leadership training they’ve given him. “My wife is going to an adult day center and life has much improved. As far as I can see, the whole presence of caregiver support is a blessing.”

For more information on support groups, contact the Alzheimer's Association 24 hour helpline at 800-272-3900. 

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Formed in 1980, the Alzheimer's Association is the world’s leading voluntary health organization in Alzheimer's care, support and research. We provide services to those affected by Alzheimer's and other dementias; advocate for policy change and research funding; and advance research toward prevention, treatment and cure. The Alzheimer’s Association Connecticut Chapter’s main office is in Rocky Hill, with regional offices throughout the state in

Hamden, New Milford, Norwich, and Norwalk. To learn more contact the Connecticut Chapter

at 800-272-3900 or at www.alz.org/ct