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The Questions That Matter

Before the holiday parties end, the team from Westport’s The Legacy Project USA have some ideas to get your family and friends talking — and learn things you may never have thought to ask.

 

The holidays provide the perfect opportunity to catch up with friends and family members, rehashing the year, celebrating the accomplishments and milestones, but it also may be the perfect time to dig deeper and ask some questions that'll really get people talking.

Rozanne Gates and Suzanne Sheridan, the duo behind Westport’s The Legacy Project USA, spend their days capturing individuals' life stories and recording them in albums to share with future generations. While not everyone can do this for a living, Gates and Sheridan have some ideas to help you get the stories flowing.

1. What are the influences and the qualities that your parents passed on to you?

“I put out that question the everyone and asked them to think about it,” Gates said. “Two-and-a-half hours later we were still talking. It was incredible.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to verbalize that,” Sheridan said. “You learn some of the most fascinating things.”

From the way that a parent’s vices affected their children to the values that they held through to adulthood — the best thing about this question may be just how many directions it can take.

“They went absolutely everywhere with it,” Sheridan said. “You never know what’s going to come out of a 90-year-old’s mouth.”

2. What was the most memorable meal that your mother cooked?

Not only the basics of what it was, but the details: memories of tastes, eating, and time spent in the kitchen. Bonus points if you can enter 2012 with copies of family recipes you never knew existed.

"Everyone has that thing they remember," Sheridan said. "I can still taste my mother's soup."

3. What do you remember about growing up?

“What was being a child like for you?” Gates said. “It’s my belief that our past absolutely defines us.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to,” Sheridan added.

Childhood friends are another facet of this question, are older relatives still in touch with any of their friends from childhood? What were they like?

4. What was your first car?

"This always gets the men talking," Gates said. "For some reason, cars are equated with dating."

And whether the first car that they drove was good, bad, or falling apart, it's sure to get the conversations going.

“You were the guy with the great car or you were the loser,” Sheriden laughed. 

5. What was the address of the house where you grew up?

“That always gets a smile, it’s a good place to start,” Gates said. “It conjures up that image of home.”

Gates takes it one step further and suggests just going around the table and asking the group gathered if they can name the addresses of all of the places they have lived.

"We had one person who made a list, two full pages of addresses," Sheridan said.

When you have older family members in attendance, asking the questions can become a way to honor their stories and give them the platform to share their experiences.

"Our society shuts them down," Sheridan said. "They're history on legs. Rozie makes everyone feel so comfortable, its not the question, it's the attitude that you bring to it."

"I live for their answers," Gates echoed.

Beyond recording stories from a family's past, in this season of parties, being ready to ask questions can be the start of new friendships.

"I was at a party and I went and sat down on the couch, I was the only one there until I was joined by another person, then another," Gates said. "We started asking each other questions, the who, what, where, why questions to get to know each other, soon people started coming over — "You look like you're having a lot of fun!" One of the ladies, we had never met before, but by the end we were inviting her over for coffee."

So even if you don't have the interviewing skills of the Legacy Project team, take a minute this holiday season to ask a question and really listen for the answer, who knows what you might dig up.

"We learn so much," Sheridan said. "You scratch the surface of a person and it's about everything they've learned and how they've gotten to where they are."

About this column: "About Town" records the neighborhood chatter of Stamford. Let us know if you've heard anything that should be included. The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of Patch or its editors.

Stephen Gladstone

9:19 am on Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Rozanne and Suzanne came to our home several times to interview my father-in law about his life... the book that resulted was shared with many and was a wonderful tribute that was carefully put together for us by these two women. My family will always be able to look back at the photos and stories and reflect on where we came from and my father in law's wonderful life experiences. The Legacy Project is just that... a legacy. If it intrigues you, do not hesitate to call them. We were very pleased with the end result.

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Rozanne Gates

9:00 am on Friday, December 30, 2011

Thank you Caroline, for yet another entertaining and helpful article. I need to make one correction: the name of the company is The Legacy Project USA (http://www.thelegacyprojectusa.com). Suzanne and I thank you for letting people know about what we do.

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suzanne

9:40 am on Friday, December 30, 2011

Stephen,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It was a pleasure for us to get to know your family and Sandy and you really made that happen, so thank you too ! The wonderful and deeply felt stories inform and educate all of us and are a way to pay it forward and help the young people know their history and then figure out who they are now.
Thanks again for giving us the chance to help your father in law tell his story. Suzanne

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